The “Iyawo wa” tradition


Iyawo wa help wash the dishes“Iyawo wa take of our son” “Iyawo wa do this” “Iyawo wa do that” some of the ordeals women go through, now this post is not implying that we shouldn’t work for our in-laws, it’s our duty, we must. But then again, “Iyawo wa” which means “Our wife”, is a name that has broken hearts, broken homes and also bounded hearts. Times have passed when “Iyawo wa” meant the woman who will stand by the family through thick and thin, the woman the family loves and cherish and not wanting any harm towards her. Nowadays, the name poses as a form of deception that men use to deceive women into thinking they are going to eventually marry them. Some women all in the name of “Iyawo wa” would go through thick and thin trying to prove themselves as the best woman for the guy and his family, she would even call his sisters or brothers who she is way older than  “Aunty” or “Uncle” buying all sorts of gifts for them while the guys uses this as a fun thing knowing fully well that this lady is not the one that he wants to marry yet they take her home and introduce her to their friends and even their family making her feel all mushy! As if that’s not enough, they might even conspire with their friends to con her and leave with an emotional heartbreak.

A Yoruba adage says “Iyawo eni, Omo eni” (i.e. One’s wife is one’s child) but these days, we have only the mother in-law who backs their son up in whatever he does and also some sisters and brothers that would also start singing the lyrics of iyawo wa to the lady in order to get some goodies from her especially when she now has money. Some families would see bruises on their son’s wife’s body, and they would keep saying to the woman “Iyawo wa” Fa ra ti (that is to endure), some would even end up gossiping about her behind her back, stating their different tales of how the bruises got there. They might even make up stories to defend their brother. Some men would go out and cheat with different women and when the wife finds out and report to the family, they would say that he is a man especially fellow men like him. 

Even the bible says men should love their wives even as Christ loved the church, it didn’t say you should beat up our wives and make them suffer like Christ on the cross. 

Although, there are also some women who are greedy, they see a guy who has money, treats them fine but beats the hell out of them. When friends and family tries to advice them, all in the name of Iyawo wa, they would not listen and that is when they would be spitting lyrics like “he would change”, “he wasn’t like this before”, after marriage, they would now be regretting. Some women are even the evil “Iyawo wa”, the ones that lead men to be deceptive and cunny. They pretend to be the best they can in front of their mother-in-law and try to form porche with their to be in-laws and suddenly when they see that the guy is serious, they jump out of the relationship afraid of responsibility.

So, talking about the positive side of iyawo wa, as @ehbaylay, @the_empowered_and_graced_woman in the Iyawo wa challenge said, there are men who stand up for their wives, who knows the real and true meaning of Iyawo wa, some calling it Iyawo mi (my wife). These men still exist and I pray every woman finds one of such loving, caring and Godly men! (Can I hear a sounding Amen!) and we also have the good inlaws that takes care of their wife and treats her like family.

We have the Iyawo wa who are currently our mothers who withstood all the hurts, the abuse, the cheating, the insults, the pain and struggles just for their children not to grow up in a broken home and also advising and reminding their children not to fall into such marriages. Some of these women died in the process, some lived their lives as a living hell, some are enjoying the fruit of their labour now. One thing is confirmed they lived such life so we wouldn’t make such mistakes. So as women, let’s advise our younger ones, teach them not to fall into the traps of the Yoruba demon but rather the angelic ones. 

Lets build ourselves to be the Heroic Iyawo wa, the ones who uses our experience to teach and save the coming generation from suffering from the ordeals of the known nickname “Iyawo wa” and also become the mother inlaws that fights against the ordeals of its tradition.

S M I L E  D E A R

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Don’t get caught up with that sad situation and remember this = Although weeping may last for a night, joy cometh in the morning!!! Smile for the future! Smile because its going to be better! Smile because God has greater plans for you! Smile because you would get through that situation! Smile because you’ll overcome… Just smile and let those enemies know that they have know that they have no power over you!!!

Out with the old, In with the new

Everyone is counting another year already, now you must be like what are my plans for this year… writing down our short term and long term goals… I want to start by saying that we all have a reason to see this New Year and may we all see the end of it and more… Amen
First of all, I would like us to look back at all that has happened during the past months, and check out if there’s anything worth holding unto or rather is there anything you really want to let go of, it could be investments, relationship, old habits, or maybe you did some stupid things, you said some careless words or even made some bad choices, whatever it is… I’m not in your mind, so I couldn’t have guessed all right but my point is; define what you really want to hold unto to this coming year.

You know that God renews everything in this world, we wake up to a new morning every day, we enter into a new month every 28, 30 or 31 days, we move into a new year every 365 days of our life, we breathe a new breath every second, but do we renew our visions and goals every now and then.

Some of us (add me to that number) write a whole lot of goals and visions for every new year and sit down expecting to get a miracle by either slowly achieving them or just sitting by waiting for an opportunity, if you are waiting on this line ‘good things come to those who wait’ or ‘patient dog eats the fattest bone’ my dear you’ve been deceived big time.
Now everyone wants that good thing that you want, do you even know the amount of dogs waiting to eat that bone? Just go ahead and fight for the bone with prayer, hard work and commitment. It’s a new year for heaven sake, are you going to sit with that resolutions of yours or would you rather go and start getting them.
I heard a story of a man that was drowning in the water, then he prayed to God to help him, so one boat came by and lends him a hand, he declined and said “God will help me”, another boat came and he said the same thing, the third came and he said the same thing, so he died and went to heaven and asked God why he didn’t help him, God said “Man, I sent 3 boats to you, wasn’t that enough?”
Most of us are like this man, losing opportunities and waiting for that one miracle that will change our lives, like that man that will send 10 million naira to your account. Please and please… Let’s get serious… this might happen to some people, but I bet you they must have worked for it somehow in their life, start working towards your goals, visions and resolutions. If you want to achieve your goals, you need to put a lot of effort.
As we go into this coming year, there are few things I suggest we do, For starters, Create Worthwhile Goals and Write them down; some people just create goals like, I’ll become matured this year, that’s not a goal friend. The truth is if your goals aren’t bigger than you, then they are not goals. Your goals must scare the hell out of you like you must have cold feet, that’s why they are called GOALS, which means to G – Generate, O – Optimistic, A – Achievable, L – Levelheaded and, S – Specific Goals. Always put your goals in writing and state them positively and put them in visible areas. “A dream written down with a date becomes a goal”
Then Generate A Plan and Renew Them When Necessary;  “A goal broken down into steps becomes a plan”, write out the steps you would use in achieving the goals and make sure you remove them once achieved, this would make you know how much progress you’ve made and how much time you have left. This will help you achieve your goals in a sensible manner and ensure that they are moving forward. Know that “A plan backed by actions makes your dreams a reality” but before that you have to…
Eliminate Fear And Believe In Yourself; you know we write a long list of goals and visions for the year but we get stuck because of the fact that we are afraid and we do not believe in ourselves enough to achieve our goals. For example, you write a goal to probably start your own business line, but then the fear of finance, teammates, and other factors just creeps in and you just decide that maybe that is not the best thing for you to do. Know that whatever the mind can conceive, it can achieve.
Stop Making Excuses and Avoid Procrastination; get yourself to stop giving flimsy excuses for not achieving your goal, my dear this would go on and on and on (I could continue) and that’s it, you forfeit that goal. Also stop procrastinating, “Tomorrow Is the Today of Yesterday”,   make sure you fulfill the plans you have for today; today! Understand that a goal is a dream with a deadline; procrastination makes it without a deadline. Honestly, I really have made mistakes on this part of making excuses and procrastination and I regret it very much… (I’m sure you must too).
Get rid of Negativity; delete negative thoughts, negative friends, negative followers on social media, negative books, and negative ideas! Just shut down any form or kind of negativity from your life. I tell you it’s not needed at all. Create no room for it! it steals your ideas and portray it as nothing. A friend tells you, you can’t start that business, tell them Oh! Thank you, leave and do it on your own pal… I tell you… YOU CAN!!! (I can say that a thousand times for you… just read that part a thousand times).
Now Finally, Have Faith and Trust God;  he is the only one you can hold unto in order to achieve your goals, put your trust in him as you achieve your goals this year. God is the best shot you have at attaining your goals. 

So, as you go into the New Year, Go in with a new relationship with God, with new goals, visions, ideas, and resolutions, renew the old ones and leave out the fears, procrastination, excuses, negativity​

©yinkainspires

F E A R ! ! !


For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

Fear only hides the potential, talents, gifts and the good things God has given to us! Fears bring tears especially when we feel powerless over them! Know that you can do all things through Christ that strengthens you.. Never let fear or timidness debar you from attaining great heights. Fight it! Face it!!!

2017! Where art thou?

2017! Where art thou?
Prophecies have been made while we await you

Some good, Some bad; still we anticipate you

Resolutions have been written down for you

Some big, Some small; yet we wait to achieve them with you
2017! Where art thou?

We hear of your chants and praises from afar

Of how you’ll renew our hopes on our visions and goals

We hear of your curse and afflictions from afar

Of how you’ll bring forth recession and sorrows
2017! Where art thou?

Babies now listen to melodies of you from their mothers

 Of how they’ll grow older when they see you

Adults sing lullabies of you as they rest on their bed

Of how they’ll achieve their dreams as soon as they step into you

 

2017! Where art thou?

We pray that in you, we shall not lose hair from our head (Acts 27:34).

We plead that in times of your trials, God will calm the storm (Luke 8:24).

We seek that when we slip in you, God will guide our every step (Ps 91:11).

We request that God will turn your days of chaos into peace(Acts 27:34).
2017! Where art thou?

We declare that you shall break forth like Cyrus (Isaiah 45:1-3).

In you, thousand, even ten thousand enemies will not touch us (Ps 91:7).

We prophecy that in you, our case will be different (Gen 47:15-27).

As we rise up to meet you; surely, the Lord will breathe upon all our endeavors
– Yinka Taiwo ©

– Joe Signet ©​

Christmas!!!

Christmas, A moment of celebration

Jingle bells jingle bells 

Jingle all the way

The old poem say

Christmas, A time

Where we chant songs of the Yuletides

Dancing to songs with different vibes

We lift up hypocritical hands in his presence

Saying Oh! Jesus is the reason for the season
Christmas, A season 

Where we give thanks to God

Shouting Hallelujah to the most high

Yet we still go out to praise gods

Singing, dancing and getting high
Christmas, the time 

Where we need to thank God for loving us

Thank him for sacrificing his only son

So, Christ himself would looks down at us

And be happy that he died for us
Christmas is a time,

Not to be enthralled by the fantasies of the world

But to be embraced by the encompassing love of God

We should honor this day 

By showing love as we jingle all the way

– Yinka Taiwo ©​